CALM to Chaos
I’m happy to say hello from a beautiful, warm, and “love” nurturing location in Venice, Florida. I have been enjoying wonderful sunrises each morning as I do my yoga and meditations outside. It is such a blessing. I am so grateful to the owners here for keeping such a beautiful home to share with us! I am closing my days by soaking up God’s beauty as darkness descends over an ocean of mostly calm waves.
All of this has been a renewal of sorts, a chance to let life unfold “in the moment” with my amazing husband, Doug. I’ve been able to really stay present and not let any of at the “chaos” of life move into my space.
The evening our clocks went ahead an hour I was simply able to just ignore the change, plan our day and enjoy a slow pace. We were hiking that day in beautiful Myakka River State Park. We delighted in the quiet forest full of amazing palms and watching the wildlife over the water without a care about what time it was. I was in awe at the top of the canopy tower to remember be beauty of a sea of green very much like looking above jungle trees. We were reminded of the Amazon in Peru as we recognized the names of the people who built this tower, people we worked with! We were thrilled to read on it that people FROM Peru came here to help. Wow. My thoughts wandered to my own experience of this view in the Amazon and what the spirit world sees when they look at our amazing internal LIGHT from above ~ all of us connected around the world through that LIGHT and the power that is within us all.
After dinner that night we enjoyed a gorgeous sunset after dinner, but then settled in tired from hiking and decided to watch TV. (We seldom do this on vacation!) The evening’s programs hardly provided the needed relaxing or reflecting for a good nights sleep. I went to bed thinking about what chaotic, dysfunctional, and horrific lives people lead in an episode of the NCIS show we were watching. I do enjoy the good always overriding the bad that usually brings a happy ending. But…as I lay down to sleep I had anything but gratitude in my heart or restful thoughts. Instead I seemed to be reminding myself that the chaos of life exists all around us even when we try to shelter ourselves into a very protected place. I thought about an NPR radio broadcast we had listened to on the way home about children in crisis. It was NOT uplifting hearing about the lack of love and compassion in how our court system has dealt with it all.
The next morning at 4:44 AM I woke in a TOTAL panic; shaking, and unable to get myself out of a startling dream! I kept going back into the dream even though I had clearly looked at the clock. This was NOT a pleasant dream. There was total and complete chaos with very little of it making any sense. It was not violent or even scary really, just totally chaotic. Things around me were totally out of control. I felt like I was glued to the bed and I couldn’t move because I was still moving in and out of this dream like it was very real. I was lucid dreaming and I kept reminding myself TIME is an illusion. Is our life part of that illusion? This is a dream, get up and get out of it or change it! But then I got up in total darkness and finally remembered I was in a different house ~okay, no this is not the bathroom, it’s a closet! Yikes! My thought: WOW…this is a little too much like LIFE. Moving around in the dark searching for the light.
I was certainly glad to WAKE UP and realize this “choir” of 200 people wasn’t real. The singers and musicians were totally dysfunctional in front of a huge, unruly, and laughing audience. I wasn’t directing and yet in my dream it was ALL my fault! I sing in a 200 people choir, but NOTHING like this one! There were only a couple recognizable people in the whole dream and only ONE jumped up and tried to help. She was so wise and sang beautifully…a close friend that I’ve never known to sing. Oh boy…dream analyzers could have fun with this dream. I won’t bore you with more details, just to let you know that I felt totally OUT of control and helpless as the audience took over and the choir and instrumentalists were running away. I was in horror. Well, I sure had some thoughts for me to ponder. I made myself write down the details.
Even after being up awhile, I realized how shaken I was and not my usual confident self as I made coffee and headed to what I knew was MUCH needed meditation.
Probably all of my fears in life showed up in this dream. I was thinking, “Terry, do you need to recognize FEARS that showed up? Are these lying in your subconscious mind?” I share my written thoughts only because perhaps you have felt some of these yourself or MAYBE you wonder if some of them exist in the recesses of your mind. We are ALL different. Perhaps my experience can help you process something happening in your life.
- CONTROL life – who was I kidding? I needed to surrender the outcome to God! But is there a fear I need that control?
- My desire to HELP others is so strong, but I thought I was helpless. Why? Do I fear I might not be able to help someone?
- People are laughing & criticizing ~ do I fear that? I thought I had overcome that idea, but now I have launched into a new venue…healing.
- There is no one to help? But, I KNOW I have help from the spirit world AND in other people. In fact, recently I had a powerful experience while doing a healing “showing me” just how much help I was getting from the spirit world!
- Have I actually worked through my fears? Maybe I need more work in that area.
- Numerology of the number 4. Why at 4:44?? Hmm..research to do. Number 4 is the basis for all solid objects. The four basic elements of the earth. “Fours are seen as sensible, calm and practical. OKAY…obviously something I might need to remind myself that I need to make sure that my internal mind matches my outside exterior view! Fours are seen as honest, courageous and ethical in their dealings. They are reliable, and totally dependable.” OK…that is helping me feel better, maybe I was meant to note the time to boost confidence. (numberologycalculator.org)
Only Yoga, meditation, soothing music and a beautiful sunrise to sit in and reflect brought me back to CALM again. I FOUND the internal peace that we all have within. It’s not that life will be perfect now. But I think I was able to work through some fears that I wasn’t even really aware that were still inside of me. CHAOS and FEAR seemed to dissolve once I really faced the idea that I needed to work through it.
I have been asking myself why I would have such a powerful and yet disturbing dream in such a relaxing and wonderful environment. I think it is because this space “allowed” me the needed time to reflect, analyze, and help dissolve fears. I learned again in my life, to surrender the outcome! “Thy will be done.”
“Banish your fears…Know now that a loving God governs all things…is all things…and when you tap into that Love which lies at your very core, all things are possible – even peace in the midst of seeming chaos. Chaos does not exist at the level of the spirit. Go there to find Peace. Go there to find Love. Go there to find your Self.” ~ Suzanne Giesemann through Sanaya Love Beyond Words pg. – March 13
Sending LOVE, HUGS, LIGHT, and Inspiration to all of you!