The Light Gap
CONNECTIONS through CHANGE
CONNECTIONS through CHANGE
A week ago was Jim’s birthday and again I was facing a new day alone. Looking out the window I saw the beauty of my snow-covered deck and backyard. Snow was silently falling to the ground. I was alone, but peaceful. I am in a time of change adjusting to the loss of my husband of 53 years.
After doing Qi Gong, I sat down to meditate. I closed my eyes and felt a flowing sensation, energy, as I went into meditation. It was significantly different as I sat quietly feeling the waves of motion. I asked for guidance, as Suzanne Giesemann often suggests , “What do I need to know today? And the words came to me that I had read from Suzanne’s Awakened Way post earlier.
“Talk to those who 
passed. It does not matter if you do so aloud or silently. Your intention and the connection you hold in the heart sends a signal that is received instantly. If the truth be told, your message is received in its entirety the moment the thought of sharing it arises in the mind. You share this Mind. Do you yet realize this? It is why you never lose each other. The one Mind of Source is yours and theirs. This is oneness. This is eternal connection. Call it a Mind. Call it a Heart. You may also choose to call it Love, which is why Love truly is the answer.” Suzanne Gieseman through Sanaya
You are so very loved
I was alone in the house – but not really. I had been talking to Jim often since his death. In our book THE LIGHT GAP: God’s Amazing Presence we told the story of my daughter’s death at 19 years old. This is not my first time facing a significant loss. A week after her death I had what I called a Light Experience (IANDS calls it at a Spiritually Transformative Experience). I was in my kitchen and in an instant, I was consumed by light and experiencing peace and love like nothing that exists here. I was talking to a voiceless voice, having a back-and-forth conversation. Belief in life after death has long ago moved from a belief to a knowing for me. It is easier this time with all that I now know. It brings JOY to know that Jim and Anne are now together.
Terry and I have been having signs from Jim. The first week after his death, I began having encounters with Blue Jays. At our cabin in northern Wisconsin, we have windows across the front of the house. I heard a thud and a Blue Jay had hit the window. Unfortunately, it was a fatal hit, but soon after taking care of the bird, I went down to the lake, and there on the steps was a beautiful Blue Jay feather. Jim loved birds. He could whistle their calls and they would call back to him. When I got back to Illinois, after having a meeting at the church to plan Jim’s Memorial Service, I felt very disoriented and sad. So I decided to go to the park where we used to live and sit on a bench that had a plaque honoring Anne’s memory. It was quiet other than the waves of Lake Michigan and I began to meditate. Next, I heard birds. A flock of Blue Jays flew into the bushes right next to me! Now if you know anything about Blue Jays, they are usually in pairs at the most unless migrating.
It is hard because I’m in a time of change. I’m having to reinvent myself and figure out my next steps. What is it that I can contribute in this time that I have left? I have been reading important books and listening to way too many interviews with important spiritual leaders that we follow. It feels like I am getting nothing done! But that is not the truth. It is important work to understand and share what we are learning about human life, about this world and Universe we live in. It is made of LOVE, connection, and guidance.
Jim was a piano player – one of those that could play without any music a song someone requested. So wouldn’t one of the signs he was giving me be musical? A few months ago, in meditation I heard a song. It took me a while to identify it. It was WE’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN sung by a favorite singer of mine, Karen Carpenter. These are the words that caught my attention.
“Sharing horizon’s that are new to us
Watching the signs along the way
Talk’n it over, just the two of us
Workin’ together day to day
Together, Together”
Just one more memory to go with Jim’s birthday week. My husband’s life work was working as a pastoral counselor and a youth minister in a Presbyterian church. He took the youth each summer on a work trip to a church that could use some help. Amazing friendships developed. The high school youth that Jim worked with over the years, now adults in their 60’s, are still making time to gather. The plaques were a gift to our family at Jim’s Memorial Service. They are words the youth, now adults, collected to describe their experiences. These people choose to gather to honor Jim on his birthday this year. I was standing talking in a small group of these friend’s and one of them came into the room and said, “Oh, I saw Jim standing right there.” Of course he was there. We are all connected even in death.
“Each person is a unique pattern of sensations, thoughts, and feelings. There is Infinite Joy in Being.” ~Suzanne Giesemann
Hello Marge,
I am sorry about Jim’s passing. I think I read it here. It is so hard to comment without fear to love so deeply, to share so completely your love, all of you, to another.
Blessing as you wait and listen for the next part of your earthly journey. I would love to talk to you some time. I will follow your blog and see if you are ever in town for a get together. You are always welcome here for a visit. love to you my friend, Suzanne Ditsler
Marj, what a beautiful tribute to your husband! God bless you both.
I’m sending love to both of you.
Marj, very nice writing about Jim. I’ll always see his smile! Interesting about the Blue Jays. When my mother-in-law passed we, especially her daughter, saw Robins. When we were together we saw as many as 50 in the yard at the same time!! And, of course, in the Northwoods it is common to have an Eagle encounter after the death of a loved one! Peace and love, Vicki
Bless you, dear Marge, for sharing your thoughts and insights at this particular time when we remember your wonderful Jim.
Love, joy and peace your way.