Journey to PEACE

Journey to PEACE

I miss having the time and meditation inspired thoughts that come through writing. I hold so many different things close to my heart, it’s usually a choice of deciding to put my thoughts into meaningful words. There is therapeutic value in taking the time to allow my mind to collect and use words to express them. Verbally spoken words are often my avenue, but I realize more than ever that the printed words are somehow a thread in my existence that is so very needed.

Today I decided to return to writing, but even the TIME is …so illusive and an illusion. It will be what I think as late. I promised to simply take a few weeks off to BE what my life’s journey has set before me, a caregiver to my husband. It’s been almost a month. Little did I know then that my life would be changing in such a drastically different direction. Losing my beloved brother to a massive heart attack was simply NOT ever expected. I’ve shed many tears, but I know they are tears for my own life changing and losing his earthly presence. Bill’s incredibly large family is devastated. I miss him terribly and as his CELEBRATION of LIFE nears ..I will focus on celebrating an incredible life, knowing without an ounce of doubt that HE is in the glory of God, dancing in heaven, living in the total LIGHT of LOVE we all experience between lifetimes. As you read this post I will be with lots of our family, Marj here in Holland with me… all grieving the loss of such an important person in our lives, and yet ready to CELEBRATE Bill’s life the next day.

And yet…the journey with my husband too would keep me in a state of disbelief. I am now a full time caregiver to my husband with Parkinson’s Disease whom I love dearly.  He has now been in the hospital a third time and when he became totally unresponsive and I had to call 911 for the first time…my heart broke into a million pieces. Putting those pieces back together through prayer, family support and the incredible POWER of so many people praying FOR us…I turned a corner. There is always a silver lining to any traumatic event. My three sons; one flew in from California, one flew in from Atlanta only able to get as far as Chicago. My third son flew in to pick them both up so we could be together as a FAMILY once again to support their DAD and Mom. It has been a week in my life I will never forget.

I THANK Christina for reminding me of a very simple prayer when words simply cannot come. It is a Hawaiian indigenous prayer that is so simple and yet I found it inching me towards the peace in my heart.  PEACE began to heal the shattered pieces.

It happened one morning as I was selecting some music for much needed meditation…these words were shared by a dear Reconnective Healing friend over Facebook. There was the image of these powerful words! Christina and Lexi don’t know one another at all…coincidence? Not on your life. The Universe was letting me know…TRUST and let go!!

I needed to trust and know…peace lies in my heart at ALL moments regardless of circumstances.

Yesterday I had an incredible nurse that is coordinating the continuing Home Care through Holland Hospital to be able to bring healing into my husband at home once again. She was incredibly good. She was especially wonderful with  my son and daughter in law who experienced her loving care for all of us. Guess what her name was? Lexi. I needed a person like her to remind me again…taking care of Doug requires a healthy me.

She helped me understand once AGAIN how important it was for me to take care of myself if I was going to have the stamina to really BE the caregiver and allow the LOVE of life to pour into him. This morning I dusted off the cover of Alan Cohen’s book I had been reading so feverishly a month ago. I opened the book to a random place, to find this affirmation page. The words too were incredibly powerful and took me right to my computer to get back into writing.

I release any need to fight for my good.

A benevolent universe generously provides all I need.

I give myself permission to have and do the things that bring me true joy.

I can flow with life because I am blessed as a child of God. 

Alan Cohen … Of Course in Miracles: When Love becomes a Way of Life Pg. 130

So… I’m back. With the help of my incredible sister Marj I plan to continue writing. But if for any reason you miss getting a Friday morning post from The Light GAP, you’ll know it’s because I am taking care of myself and it just might be late…but not gone! I’m flying in the right direction now!